2002-03-01 - 09:07

I think that this will be a bit of a long haul for the next few months. I didn�t really think that homesickness existed, to be honest. But it�s hard when you feel completely foreign in a place, completely out-of-place, and like a stranger to most people around. It�s a lot like starting a new personality. But first losing yourself is necessary. So I just keep losing myself in order to find out what it is that I am. How annoying! But also how childish to insist that even once in one year I need to see people who are familiar. Telephones, email, postal systems abound, but instead I just sit here and wish that I was somewhere else. That�s funny. So I don�t really feel HOMEsick, but rather just not like I should be here. More like � there�s so many other places in the world where it would make sense to be. It would make more sense to be in Moscow for example. Or, Kathmandu. Or Bali. How about Angkar Wat? Perhaps Bangkok? See what I mean? I hate it when people stay stupid things like �stick it out until you can go�, etc, etc� But it feels like I should be doing that now. That perhaps this feeling is temporary. Guess that�s why this diary is around � spouting so that you can share in my little adventure. It might not be as exciting this time around, I apologise for that.

All the teachers are dressed up today for the graduation ceremony. And then there�s me: wearing a pair of khakis and a velour zipper shirt! Oh well. Fucking Japanese people and formal wear. Formal occasions. First impressions. Impressions. So many of them are false because they just slip on a pair of jogging pants afterwards! AGH! So I�m quite comfortable in khakis and velour. ;)