2002-03-12 - 14:55

So here I am at school. Wondering what will eb the event that will most spark ability for finding a way out of this country. It�s a slight battle between wanting money and wanting experience. I can�t help thinking about money � its�s the closest thging to an enemy that I�ve got now. Luckily no people, just banks. So is that escapable? Am I bound by some agreement I made on paper? I guess that�s not for me to decidem but rather to let events play out enough so that I will begine to sense the most authentic route to take. Just annoys me when I lok back and think of all that silver that I could spent on going places, reading something worthwhile, learning new things practicing tactric with someone special�

So instead, my brain goes convervative in its� approach to life. Gotta work. Gotta make some money. Gotta waste money on superfluous things like mobile telephones, expensive espresso and car insurance. Oh, and men who are models. That�s another sordid story. Purposefully sleeping with someone who is different only to find out that difference is purely inappropriate as a basis for judgement:

Me: um, let�s just have another beer�

Ko: who is your favourite singer?

Me: Japanese?

Ko: Okay.

Me: Cibo Matto.

Ko: Eeee?

Me: Cibo Matto.

Ko: Cibo Matto, wakattanai! Eeeeto, do you like Mariah Carey?

Me: No.

Ko: Do you like�

Me: Want to go to a love hotel now?

That�s not to say it�s only me who�s doing it. I just hope we both have the clarity and maturity to cut it off when we need to. Only then can I ask for his cute friend�s phone number.