2002-01-20 - 22:48

i dont know how to write anymore. i dont know if i know how to be anymore. i hate self self self referentiality i hate it. and now here i am again stuck in a little pool of pity and INNNNNNNNNNNNNER reflection only to find that it's perpetuating itself, pushing itself to new limits of absurdity and blocking some of the most important things that out there.

jesus i reject myself for treating my eyes like they'Re the only window to finding out about the world around me i reject my ears for hearing only the superficial anecdotal nothingnessof existential cream of fucking potato soup

i want to be mentally "handicap" and find out what the world is really saying feeling thinking instead of the million man smiles that make every muscle in my sphincter tighten up to the point of immobility

just want somebody to play with