27 June, 2004 - 13:56

I was at 50% and now I'm way back up to 90%. I still have arthritis in my hands, knees and ankles, I'm constantly fatigued, the rash isn't going away, my muscles ache every day and now I have weird tingling in my hands and feet as well as ringing in my ears all the time.

I think I'm in this thing for the long or short haul, whichever it will be.

I've thought so much about the end of my own life lately, the discontinuation of something that I had intended to go on indefinitely. I'm 27 years old and obviously I've never really thought about my own death. We don't have to - and that's the point.

But now that the extra hundred or so years that were originally planned on (in a hazy kind of way) have been wiped out with a quick stroke of fate.

A quick stroke of humourless irony.

And I'm left with a cloudy brain, an immunosuppressed body and indifferent plans for the rest of my life.

So what do I do now?