11 April, 2002 - 14:47

I'm sitting here trying my darndest to come up with some activity for Earth Day. How do I teach Earth Day to a bunch of second-language learners who only care about texting their friends and downloading the latest popular music onto mobile phones? I don't know yet. If you've got any great ideas, please let me know.

Japan has been grey lately. Grey, grey, grey. I hate that. It's like weather-waiting-room syndrome or something. When it's grey, my entire being feels like it's waiting for the answer to come. For the doctor to arrive, the student loan officer to call my name, or the train to come. If only I knew the schedule beforehand, I could anticipate better times.

No matter. I think that perhaps I'm not so good at talking to people. Maybe I don't get along with them? Humans can be such trouble sometimes, always needing interaction and substantiation. It can be daunting being a socialable human sometimes. The things that we're supposed to engage in just to fulfil some artificial need for cohesion! It's at these moments where it feels like everything will go terribly wrong. Accidently stuffing sushi into my nostrils and spraying it all over the table to everyone's bemused confusion. Yelling out "wank, wank!" or "hara-heta!" in the middle of my high school's graduation ceremony right in the middle of all the prescripted power-bowing of Japanese formal occasions.

I guess I need to get out more. Into the void of things which I've been missing. Into finding people who I can identify with. Into finding a lover! Or even a lover I can actually love. I realize how lucky I was to find Kris. About this time last year, we were well into a bubbly, meaningful, sexy, loaded relationship having exchanged keys, wearing each other's clothes and seeing each other every day. As much as I had thought that would be smothering, it was the most amazing new set of emotions to ever strike me as hard as it did. Now, after having felt that I lost access to them, they're back again. Irasshaiiiiiii !!!

( I need to decide what to do with my hair. Surface as it sounds, it's quite the warzone right now. Time to call Tattchan.)

If I continue to write any further, I think I'll just write some drivel. I will tell you that Tom Robbins is a brilliant author and that if you get a chance to pick up anything by him, please do. Je t'avis.