2001-03-08 - 19:23:36

I have been struggling hard with understanding the reason I have taken sociology as a way of understanding the world.

Friends have helped me in the last few months to a degree which they probably don't realise. I have lived in a fantasy guided by those who I am close to and need their subjective input to try to put together what the rest of my own life should be.

Why not plumbing? Why the hell not? Why not film production? Why not theatre? Why not vagabond-esque adventures venturing around North America, falling in love with people, eating clams and lobster?

When I sit here, far too much into my own head, putting off a 20-page essay which I haven't even started, this is what plagues my brain most fundamentally.

I received an email from a wonderful, intelligent friend today after having questioned him about his participation in art, in life... I need to share it because it gave me hope of starting a new parallel existence, a radical departure from my small analytical world:

"J'�tudie en art parce que j'aime �a. Puisque je dois choisir un m�tier, alors je veux peintre et dessiner. Ce que j'aime faire c'est cr�er des situations, c'est arr�ter les �v�nements pour avoir un moment de r�flexion. J'�tudie en art parce que je ne veux pas passer ma vie � d�construire quelque chose qui n'existe qu'en th�orie, je veux construire le monde dont je r�ve, et je proc�de par �tape. C'est par l'utopie que tout ce construit. Enfin je crois."

Not overly prophetic but a good basis for living, for being, for eating, for fucking and all the rest we do and will do.

So, back to finishing my world of four years of study of people only to find other people found the same thing through another reality.

Writing this essay tempers my excitement of continuing on to get my foot in the proverbial real world temporarily. It's for this reason that I have all of you to ignite passions and directions which couldn't even possibly present themselves otherwise.

I owe a lifetime of gratitude, love and understanding to you, the plurality of what defines my own existence and what concurrently guides and unfolds itself before me.

You folks rock.