2001-02-04 - 11:56:43

My own ridiculousness at its best.

Find someone you like and exploit them in conversation and thought. I don't crush for people because it seems the most useless and annoying manner of understanding affection. At the same time, waiting for my cosmological decision queen is like enduring a 33k connection while looking for porn - the end result being a quick, unsatisfying and superficial fix.

Five years ago, after much contemplation about my place in the world, sexuality, people and all that rot I ended up convincing myself that I was an anomoly. But then I met a whole group of other anomolies only to realise that my place in that world was actually part of a collective.

(Doh!)

Now, once again after much more experience in this bumpy process of socialisation it seems that I'm back feeling like an anomoly.

Some advice from a friend: "cette relation pouvait �tre aussi CONNE que l'autre".

So this means that I should be happy and bask in its ridiculousness right? Right. I'm gonna blame the Americans again for giving us the idea of contemporary power polarity.

It's much easier to be aussi conne que les autres, if you can disregard the 33k connection eh? I know I've done it so often and wondered why her body felt like a pile of skin and not a sentient human being and most repugnantly why I am sharing my entire body with him when this experience is so local?