2000-10-01 - 20:35:15

listening to old laura brannigan albums, listening to a bird chirping, contemplating on my future existence here and wherever else.. but have gained and lost this night although i value them the same it is almost an insignificant fight to disallow what feels so negative. of course i would never establish to my superficial character, a shread of admittance to be being affectionate and needy .. but now it exists in my head and heart like a ten gallon tank of water around my neck.. the kind of emotion when you don't know whether you need to cry or to sneeze but they both hurt in their own degree and their way. i must remind myself that feeling emotions are tantamount to living a full and good life and we are blessed. fuck the future, what is now is real and i shouldn't need to meander into grasses taller than my own stature. six feet up and not givin' in, that's my reality so take it with you mister-i'll-take-good-care

of-your-dog. what do you know? really what do you know, i'd LIKE TO KNOW, wouldn't you? would you not even be curious.

alright so we got emotions tantamount to living already without giving the EXCLAMER that you're children may be dissillusioned---- it feels like shit! don't kid yourself. i'm american great hero tell us it's how you take you bumps. i ain't into bumps i ain't into american great heros. i am into people. they are what make me and have such a wonderful and amazing grasp on what is real, yet not innately tangible and self-evidently is something in a phyical reality. tell yourself not to feel not to feel not to feel don't tell me WHAT i feel in your world. i'm feeling my own.

pick up yer suitcase. it's all you can do now it's all you can do with all your empathy and sympathy and candid sexuality.

fuck it all it's worthless so are you but touch me if you can :)