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05 April, 2005 - 12:42
Decisions. I'm finding it a little awkward that I have spent most of my life trying to decide where I should be. Isn't that weird? So - when I come to the end of something, it just feels proper to become a little existential and ponderous about where I shall go after it's all finished. I'm quite good at starting things, but it seems I'm a little rusty at getting the chutzpah together to apply what I've learned and find the right path afterwards. It's all about this bloody hidden path. In typical fashion I climb up the mountain, forge my way past all the brushy undergrowth and then get lost in the lush abundance when I'm about to descend. Really: this is not only an analogy - it's also quite literal. So I just need some kind of mental key to get my brain sorted before I attempt to leave a place. (If I stay past 18 April, my plane ticket will become unusable, null and void, all thanks to the joyously secretive Northest Airlines. I am thinking of making a little doll in the form of NW's president and sticking multiple pins through it's toenails. But basically, it means that I'll be in Malawi without a means to get back to North America - no hint of an emergency rescue plan as this first plane ticket was: just change the date, and I'm off! But not anymore.) And I also need to think about what I'm doing here: not much. Maybe I could change that? I do like it here. There are, in fact, a lot of things to like here. The constant 30-degree weather is quite a thrill, the honesty of working with Malawians is so authentic .. so what is it? Green grass, other sides and fences?
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