15 June, 2002 - 23:12

i just saw a cockroach careen across my floor.

*ticktickticktick*

well, "just" means about an hour ago, but it prompted me to spend the last hour fastidiously cleaning my flat. this particular one is about five centimetres long and has long, protruding antennae. i suspect it was heading to meet another of its' friends because as i made a dash to entrap it, i unfolded the plastic door to the shower room and a smaller, rusty brown brother fell out. i temporarily lost sight of the original and headed to the kitchen to get some sort of chemical that i remember seeing there when i first moved in, a remnant from the previous tenant. rusty-brown-san was sprayed, went into fast convulsions and i capped it with a used peanut butter jar. then i set to work on the larger more life-threatening beast. easier than i thought it would be, i trapped it quite quickly and to this point, it's sitting under a glass jar on my floor in the corner, suffering what probably is a very hot, painful suffocation.

three nights ago i dreamed about apes. at my parents' house, there was a large(ish) box in the basement, quite close to the water heater and wood storage box. inside of the large box was another, less reliable box which contained at least two large apes. before i left the apes to go somewhere, i threw the key to the boxes inside the bottom of the box at their feet. next, i was biking down sherbrooke street in montreal and i realised that i had left the key at their feet. so i hurried back to my parents' house, all one-thousand-nine-hundred kilometres, and went to the basement just as the inner box burst out onto the floor. the apes, however, were still inside. but i needed to get the key. so i called mum to come down and help me, "MUUUUUUUUM!!!", and between the two of us, we managed to get the apes both back in the cage, as well the key back. the ape who was wearing the pinstripe suit handed me the key to the cage.

the next night i dreamed that i was back in thunder bay with my old friend melissa in her old bay street apartment. i was sitting between kris and philippe, who, for those of you that don't know, are the two most recent significant lovers in my life.

[japan hasn't brought me much eros except for a weird dolce & gabbana model and one lovestruck-but-more-authentic-than-D&C type]

kris and i were touching each other on the sofa where everyone was sitting and talking. the next thing i remember, philippe was laying across my lap and i was being nicely affectionate. i don't remember much except how reassuring it was to be close with someone in a way that felt real. philippe has a boyfriend now - i got an email from him the other day. people change so much. when i started dating kris, i remember getting an email from phil saying something caustic like, "enjoy your life with your boyfriend". at that point, he believed he could never date a man seriously, and i'm so happy that he's found his way out of the space he was in when we were together. honesty is great.

i went trekking off to toushijima island today. it's near toba, the closest city to nature in all of my prefecture perhaps. the island itself is proabably about eight kilometres long and i had intended on going all around it from wagu to toushi and then down to momotoro. i spent about an hour on the beach collecting shells and rocks, turning myself back a few years to an exciteable beach-goer. at least this beach was void of the usual piles of washed up high heel shoes, bottles, and maybe meiji-era garbage that is ubiquitous to japanese beaches! after about an hour in the sun, i started up the hill to the temple where i thought i'd pay a visit, do some offerings and head along the narrow mountain road pass to toushi. when i was walking down the steps from the temple, a woman approached me and started talking with me - it turned out that she is the wife of the temple priest and she invited me to be a part of the day's festival at the temple. so i went up to the temple house and had tea with her and met the priest who was wearing an amazing costume. i don't know the words to describe what he was wearing so you'll have to ask me the next time i see you in person. with about 20 other men, we went up to the temple, and sat in chairs while the leaders of the temple cloaked two portable shrines in a white cloth so none of us could see what the priest was doing inside. [typical japan, two people got calls on their mobiles while we were waiting - these things always turn out to be less formal than buddah might have wished] the white cloth was taken off, and the portable shrines exposed. then, three by three, we were handed a palm leaf and took it up to the entrance of the shrine where we ritually laid them down, bowed twice, and clapped twice, so the gods would hear our offerings. after, the priest and his men came down and we drank some blessed sake and followed a few of the men as they carried the portable shrines down the hill.

after all that, they invited me to come in for a very large gathering in the temple house with soooooo much sashimi, beer, and sake that we sat for about three hours getting nicely pissed and talking about japan, sex, how much foreign people can drink, world cup soccer, how large japanese versus non-japanese penises are, and a few other things. i didn't understand much of what they were saying to me, but i've gotten used to that. literally, there was no english spoken except for the little english they wanted to say to me. it took me about a half an hour to explain to yamaguchi-san that if he says "i need you" to me, it doens't mean he just wants to be friends. it restores my faith in japanese people when this stuff happens and reminds me that it is only a minority of japanese people who reckon my face with bad memories of the war.

i'm starting to believe sake has more healing powers than i could ever imagine.